Need2Know

Can You Survive These Dad Jokes?

We’ve all had to live through the horrible jokes our fathers tell us. Unexpectedly, without warning a whole barrage of cringe can come at us all at once followed by a grin on your father’s face that says “Oh i’M So ClEveR”. Turns out, dad jokes may may not be as unique as our predecessors want us to believe. Here’s our cringiest dad jokes sure to jog your memory.

“What do you call a deer with one eye?” Dad…. Don’t! “I have no-eye-deer.”

This one is very personal with me. I think my Dad’s record for not telling me this one was around three days.

“Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere”

I find it pretty ironic that any of these jokes would be about atmosphere. Try saying this one at a fancy dinner party and see how quickly the air gets sucked out of the room.

“Why did the scarecrow win an award?” Oh God here we go again.. “He was outstanding in his field!!”

I’m starting to see a pattern here. Most Dad jokes seem to be puns, most puns suck, people are more likely to laugh to make you feel better if they’re friends or family, dads only tell these jokes to their kids.

“How do you make holy water? You boil the Hell out of it!!”

I must be possessed because this one just burns…

“If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”

ARE YOU GUILTY OF MAKING BAD JOKES, DAD? Rhetorical question, of course you are. Okay…. That one was a little mean actually. Don’t say that to your father, kids.

“I am reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”

Kind of like how it’s impossible to give you my honest opinion because I don’t want to put you down, Dad.

“What’s the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.”

What are the least enjoyed jokes in the world? Dad jokes…

“What did the grape do when it got stepped on? He let out a little wine!”

Wouldn’t it be grape juice first? Oh well, you’re the dad. What do I know?

“I wouldn’t buy anything velcro. They’re total rip offs!”

Well then I’m happy to tell you that I know how to tie my shoes, Dad. Maybe you could tell me a joke that’ll actually stick with me.

“5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.”

And that’s why you work at McDonald’s Dad…. That’s why you work at McDonald’s…….

And there you go. Ten Dad jokes from the deep recesses of my mind. That’s the funny thing about dads. They’re corny, they’re cheesy, but you got to love em’. When the person who raised you is trying to be funny, even if they fail, we gotta laugh. I guess next time you fake a smile at one of their jokes, just remember you’re just letting them know you appreciate all they’ve done.